The self-care conversation is all over the internet, and it’s no surprise why: Anxiety and depression are much more common than many people realize. Worldwide, anxiety affects up to 1 in 13 adults, and depression is the leading cause of disability. And moms are no exception, even if they seem to have it all together.

Signs and symptoms

PMADs, or Perinatal Mood Anxiety Disorders, can impact anyone, and they do not discriminate. And oftentimes, symptoms of anxiety and depression can overlap, according to Julie Manuel, clinical program manager at Kettering Health Behavioral Medical Center. 

“Sleeping too much or too little, irritability, difficulty concentrating, and changes in eating habits can all be manifestations of depression or anxiety,” Julie says. “The biggest difference between the two is the feeling of negativity. With depression, people tend to feel more sadness and disinterest in the activities they would typically enjoy. With anxiety—ruminating thoughts and sometimes an impending sense of dread or doom are common.“

However, many people experience symptoms of both simultaneously. “Many women get the message that if you can’t hold it all together, there must be something wrong with you or that you are a bad mother.”

Permitting yourself to experience those feelings is a crucial step. “Surround yourself with people you trust—your tribe or support group who love and support you. Find activities, spaces, and people that you can talk openly about what you’re feeling and can be honest with yourself and your support group about what is really going on,” Julie says. “Find that space where you don’t have to put on a front.”

Self-care for parents

For women juggling the demands of parenting, adding one more thing to the to-do list might feel overwhelming. “Focus on starting small,” Julie advises. “Small steps for self-care are really important. Just as we recharge our electronic devices—we need to take time to recharge ourselves.”

Julie says to talk with your support system and put together a plan of action: what is one thing you can do this week to take care of yourself? Is there something you could ask someone in your support group to do for you this week?

Other examples of creative self-care include listening to audiobooks in the car or carving out five minutes to do a breathing or stretching exercise when you wake up.

If finding alone time seems impossible, do what you can with what you have. “You can incorporate your kids into your self-care,” Julie says. “Maybe you garden together or have mommy-and-me workout time at home. Try getting up 10 or 15 minutes earlier to squeeze in a quick devotion, read a chapter in your book, or work out.”

An essential part of healthcare

Julie says it’s OK for your children to see your sadness or frustration.

“They don’t have to know all of your running internal dialogue, but it’s OK to take a breath because you’re frustrated,” she says. “You’re modeling to them that emotions are OK. And if you need to seek more help, you’re modeling to them that that’s OK too.”

Julie emphasized that taking care of yourself is an essential part of taking good care of your family. “Just like we want to see people seek help if they have a stomach bug or a chronic condition like heart disease, the same mentality should also be true for seeking mental health care.”